july ten two-thousand-twenty-three

i landed a job!!! i went to an interview today for a local pizza place and they told me that i could start next monday. i'm both very proud of myself for finally being able to be employed again and escape the summer NEEThood and also very scared of if i'll be able to keep this job. it's delivery..which i alreeady was doing with the doordash stuff i've been doing to afford gas money and soda but at least i can have some disposable and saveable income now for the semester or something

i think that i've been doing well in general actually because i haven't gotten into any really Bad mental breakdowns just been kinda floating around life and doing my thing. i wish i got more commission work to do, they were always so fun to work on, but i'm not as active on twitter anymore for obvious reasons if you don't live under a rock, i don't want to move to threads, i want to stagnate on tumblr like i've always done.

ok maybe one thing that's kinda been affecting me to not be doing bad but like...doing Nothing. Numb. i've had a flat affect according to my friends for a few days and they already know why but like. i kinfirmed another character by being thrown into a shift and literally Nobody was surprised that i am indeed chip revvington. it's thrown me off but i'm surviving.

something really funny about that is that i'm pretty sure i had memories about being chip revvington like months before i realized this while also incredibly high on a voice call. that is also incredibly scary to think about. this was inevitable i just had to realize it. why is it like this.

and maybe with the new work i'll go from that to thriving. i want to thrive. all i've done my entire life is survive survive survive through family and school but i want to thrive and have some nice things more often than i do, which is already so much more than some other ppl do so i might just be selfish for it, but i really do want nice things for myself these days...somedayyy.

also while i was writing this i had to put bong water back in her cage so here's a little update on her -- she's doing well. was having a day where she was grooming her belly a concerning amount but that went away OR i'm just a hyperchrondiac about my pets.